Experience:1P-LSD (500ug, tabs) - Infinite Unity

• 18:45 Took 1 tab
• 19:15 Took 1 tab
• 20:?? Took 3 tabs

I took the first tab after eating pasta for dinner. I continued to stand in my kitchen browsing the internet on my phone as I waited for the effects to start. Around half an hour later I took a second tab. Some time later I decided to take a larger dose than I have previously experienced, and consumed three more tabs. I think this was about an hour after the second tab, but I'm not sure.

I put on some noise-cancelling bluetooth headphones and started listening to Skeggs. I ended up leaving the fairly short "This is Skeggs" playlist on Spotify on repeat for most of the evening.

I started noticing some visual effects first, as I have previously. My visual acuity seemed enhanced. Depth perception was enhanced, and distorted. I was staring at a fork on the kitchen worktop and could see it unusually clearly, but while I could perceive the depth of the different tines, the depth seemed to be gently warping somehow.

I went to the bathroom and was looking at the floor when I noticed moving geometric patterns forming on the floor. It was as though I could see some underlying structure or symmetry in the world, or my visual cortex. The patterns were regular and in a sort of hexagonal tiling. But they were at this stage mostly just dark, soft shapes, yet intricately detailed.

From here my time perception became distorted and I have considerable gaps in my memory, but I will try to describe the parts of the experience I remember.

The visual effects grew stronger. Colours were enhanced, and started to shift. The size of objects became distorted. Textures and patterns started to flow. The 'wood effect' laminate flooring and the tiles on the wall morphed and melted.

The geometry became more intense and colourful. I would say it reached level 4, possibly level 5 during the peak.

I was familiar with the music I was listening to, yet several times I had to check what was playing, as it often seemed entirely novel. I felt I was feeling the music, as concepts, somehow. I felt like I was experiencing the song non-linearly with the music looping and shifting. It was extremely enjoyable and I felt immersed in the music. Yet I was still standing in my kitchen. I was doing stretches, as my muscles were relaxed and stretching them was pleasant. I also bounced a rubber ball off the floor for what seemed like hours, but probably wasn't.

At times I burst into hysterical laughter for no reason. It was the deepest, most genuine laughter I can remember, although there was no reason for it.

My body had started pleasurably tingling by now, with a warm comforting feeling embracing me.

I have struggled with anxiety (and intermittent depression) for many, many years. Around this point I realised I felt free from anxiety, which in itself triggered an intensification of the calm, content, happy thoughts and feelings I had.

My memory of the most intense part of the trip is hazy in many respects, but the meaning of the experience itself nevertheless remains crystal clear. I now began to experience what I think was a form of ego death. I became increasingly aware of how the universe is a balance of opposing concepts. That pleasure is impossible without pain. Life is impossible without death. Up without down. Good without bad, etc. I realised that I could not die. That I have always existed. That I was one with everything, everyone, everywhere and everywhen. All of reality, platonic reality, imagination, space, time was one. I realised I was God. That I was everybody. I could see (feel? be?) in infinite dimensions. I understood duality of waves and particles, mind and body, infinite and finite. How you could use a Fourier Transform to deconstruct nothing into everything. How my ego is simply one frame of reference, how by shifting co-ordinates you can experience other frames of reference, other identities. Other directions of time, even. How the laws of physics could emerge, no, **must** emerge from nothing.

I got the feeling that linear time is an illusion. That past, present and future are always here, yet always changing -- in both directions.

I felt, somehow, that I could understand the position of people with diametrically opposed beliefs to mine. I felt somehow, that Donald Trump's ridiculous actions could be understood as reasonable, necessary even. More balanced opposites. Left wing and right wing. That the entire world has meaning or purpose.

Despite having been essentially atheist for my entire life, and mostly viewing theology with disdain, this experience was profoundly spiritual. After the trip I have found that I can see deep meaning in bible texts I would previously have rolled my eyes at. I am moved by and can find great pleasure in reading them. It is the singular most meaningful experience I have ever had in my life. I no longer fear death, or wonder why it must be. It is both inevitable and irrelevant.

At some point in the evening I felt increasingly nauseated until eventually I vomited in the toilet. This brought immediate relief from the nausea. Walking to and from the toilet was fairly difficult at this point. I struggled to coordinate walking and to interpret what I could see of the world behind the geometric patterns.

I attempted to watch a YouTube video about thermostats for some reason. I found it difficult to understand. Yet at the same time I could understand it better. I could see hidden meanings everywhere. I realised that, while the video was about thermostats and did explain them, it was simultaneously reinforcing my understanding of the unity of everything, the balance of opposites (hot and cold) and dualities and symmetries. At one point the video made some kind of joke that we weren't going to die. (It made more sense in context.) I took this as confirming that I cannot die. This body may die. This mind may die. But I am eternal. I briefly worried I would get bored if I had to exist forever, but was overcome with joy and laughter again.

It is now two days after the trip. I still have a general feeling of catharsis, well-being and interconnectedness. My anxiety is considerably reduced, if not gone entirely. I have been more productive and creative in the past 48 hours than the last decade. And perhaps more sociable and content than I have ever been before. These effects may wear off to some extent, but I hope it will lead to long-lasting positive changes.

I suspect my insights are less fundamental than they felt. Nonetheless, I have been inspired to think more about quantum mechanics and cosmology. Perhaps because I have been following Sean Carroll's 'The Biggest Ideas In The Universe' videos during lockdown.

So, for whatever it's worth (enlightenment, amusement, or embarrassment?), I have tried to write down my thoughts here.

The future is not what you think.

Observers always exist at t=0, x=0, y=0, z=0. You can pick whatever coordinates you like, but you are always at the origin of your reference rame. You cannot experience the past, or the future -- not "then", only "now". You cannot experience "there", only "here".

Spacetime is expanding. Space expands outwards, everywhere. All points move away from all other points.

Time expands as well. The past and the future move away from the present. The present continuously "fills in the gap" between past and future. The past and present are CPT symmetric. Charge symmetry - electric charges are reversed in the past and the future. Parity symmetry - handedness is reversed in the past and the future. Time symmetry - the past runs forwards and the future runs backwards.

Both the beginning and the end of the universe are growing further apart, yet they are the same. Due to the symmetry, they are a continuous loop that flows outwards in both directions to a singularity. The singularity could be the big bang (global, past) / big crunch (global, future), or a black hole (localised, past) / white hole (localised, future).

Events occur in the present, their causes spread into the past, their effects into the future. When observing the past, we are also observing the future, under CPT reversal.

Free will and consciousness exists in the present, not the past or the future. You cannot change the past or the future. You can only change both, symmetrically, here and now.

Now is the point of maximum entropy. In both the past and the future, entropy reduces to 0 at a singularity.

The feeling of 'change' is orthogonal to the normal notion of time. Along the 'change' axis, entropy increases from zero, without bound. As it increases, space and time expands and a new now emerges.

Submitted by RoadTrip