Experience: 20x Salvia Divinorum extract - Parade of the Shepardess

I sat on a gram of 20x salvia divinorum for about a year bracing myself and waiting for a good opportunity to do it. I wanted a quiet, safe space and a friend I would be comfortable with sitting in on my experience. The time finally came where my conditions were right, as I was renting a room in a basement and I had a nice big comfy bed, and my girlfriend who agreed to sit in and supply her bong and torch lighter. It was a Monday night and I had school the next day so we decided to do it an hour before bed time. I was pretty tired and anxious, but in my mind, it was now or never.

I lit some incense, took off the turtleneck that I was wearing, and packed the bowl with the salvia and a little bit of weed at the bottom. I sat on the bed procrastinating for a good ten minutes working myself up. I kicked myself in the butt and began to take the first hit. Slowly I pulled as my girlfriend lit the bowl, then I cleared the bong and held in the smoke. I blew out the smoke fairly quickly and did the same again. After blowing out the smoke the second time I went in to finish the bowl in one last big haul. After I inhaled my third toke, I blacked out. I do not remember exhaling.

My senses and vision slowly faded in and I could see something out of focus was dancing. As everything began to clear, I realized I was seeing an orange rectangle that was wearing a Hawaiian T-shirt curving itself to stomp on every beat of the vague but heavy music that I could hear. I think this was my heartbeat. The rectangle had black stripes and was emitting feelings that felt like an ancient jungle spirit mocking my early childhood. I tried so hard to look away but it was like I was being restrained and sinking. Slowly I began to turn away, to see the figure multiply into the distance, down a suburban street. I felt as if my face was cement and it was being pushed down. The further I traveled down, the stronger I would feel textural sensations scraping across my face, unveiling before me as an impossible abstract life form. I saw a creature who was just a t-shirt suspended before a lawn that had two small beacons for eyes.

I started to panic because I thought I was dying. I struggled to get back to my physical body. Every time I looked for a horizon I would only find landscape on top of landscape made out of a clusterfuck of abstract aliens. I looked straight up and saw the end of a tunnel as I descended. At the end of the tunnel was my bedroom as seen through my eyes, sitting on my bed.

I flung back into my body muttering gibberish in a panic. I still felt like I was being pushed and continued to see aliens in the dark corners of my room. My girlfriend tried to calm me down and put her hand on my chest, but her hand was like fire. The incense smoke started choking me, so she helped me limp to the window for fresh air. I was sobbing but I couldn’t cry. I announced very loudly "I am never doing salvia again" in-between me repeating “Oh my God” over and over again. Old memories of being 2 or 3 years old felt closer than ever before and made me realize that I am still attached to those early years of my life. The rest of the night was spent trying to relax and the whole week after I was somewhat disassociated (I got a low mark in the class that week too).

What I learned from this experience was just how much I value my life here in this realm and even though I have a vast interest in psychedelics, I am not ready to let go yet. Before the experience, I read many trip reports, sat in on other peoples trips, and watched videos. I knew that I would be ok and my ego would come back in tact. However, no matter how much I reassured myself of that fact, when in the midst of the experience all prior preparation went straight out the window. When I was tripping, as soon as I remembered who I was, I just wanted to be me again. Maybe after some meditation and training I may one day let go and venture into the ether. In hindsight, though it was THE MOST INTENSE AND TERRIFYING THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED, I really enjoy remembering this trip and I plan to do it again someday.

2018 Reflection:
My current understanding of the experience is that all the little figures that made up the landscape of my Salvia experience are actually my “Spirit Cells”. Just like my body is made up of trillions of one celled organisms, so is my psyche. I made this connection after reading a few Salvia trip reports on reddit that had variations of these little figures that dance, undulate, and make up the landscape. One user called these things “Smelves”, which is supposed to be a combination of ‘elf’ and ‘self’, however I find that these being are more like cells with varying odd personalities. I feel like as I grow up, my psyche is creating universes out of my understanding of shapes and scenarios as my physical self moves through life, just like the universe of one celled organisms that make up my body. Of course, these theories are not facts.

Submitted by Interbeing