Experience:Salvia divinorum (1 gram plain leaf, smoked. Combination with DXM, Nitrous, and Tobacco) - A journey into godhood with Diviner's Sage

What a strange and interesting combo. Last night I took what I think was a 3rd plat DXM trip, and over the course of 5 or 6 hours smoked salvia maybe 7 or 8 time with increasing intensity of each trip I believe due to reverse tolerance, but the nitrous definitely helped. I was also meditating for most of that time on what it means to exist and this was an incredibly fun topic to think about on salvia and dxm.

Most of the trips weren't bad, but they were not traditional salvia experiences I don't think, I was aware that I was aware, but did not know what I was. I kept telling myself I'm a human experiencing a drug but had no clue what that meant as I had no concept of my physical body or even where my center of awareness/existence was. I felt more like I was various geometric figures being stretched and pulled in different direction. Like I felt like I was just a line that expanded into a grid and condensed back into a line and then into a cube and then into a point of nothingness, etc. The strange thing is that I didn't even challenge these beliefs, this just seemed to be the "way things were". I had always been a line. I didn't "see" anything per se, but I felt a whole hell of a lot. Immediately after the first salvia trip, I came to, and said what I have now said every time I've "come to" from a salvia trip.... "Salvia is a person".

Idk, it's always the first thing I say when coming back and this time salvia was "Salvia Sister", last time it was Salvia Brothers, but I could feel that it was just one Salvia sister. In this state of not knowing who or wat I was she felt like my actual sister and she told (showed? I'm not sure how to explain..) that I have permission to be there and be a little bit scared.

I distinctly remember "waking up" over and over again. I think I may have been actually moving about in my room a little bit (I was laying on a bed) but I kept feeling like I was "coming back" from the salvia trip over and over again. At one point I just gave up trying to figure out if this was the "real" reality or not because I realize it absolutely did not fucking matter a single bit. And that was a fun realization. I remember telling myself in this headspace in these long, drawn-out tones. "I... AM...... existence" I felt like the essence of existence itself.

I remember realizing that being and non-being were exactly the same. That the lack of existence is the same thing as existing itself. I could see these two aspects of existence flipping around on each other and falling into one another in an endless cycle. Yet I was also aware that at no point in this realization had I ceased to be. Even as I reflect now it has annihilated my fear of death, because anything that has ever existed will never not exist, and nothing that has ever not existed will ever exist. Because they both seemed like the same thing in different forms. I'll have to meditate on this concept some more because my sober brain is having a hard time reconciling what that even means. But I just know I felt it very deeply.

I remember literally feeling like, no, more like realizing, in that state, that as whatever entity I was, I was literally a God. Being aware of being aware of being aware, I could feel my awareness fractalizing into sub-awareness and I felt an explosion of life within me (not human me, but astral me) and I felt myself explode and I thought this was how universes were born. I remember thinking this is what God did when he created my old world. I saw and felt millions of people that lived their own lives inside of me all celebrating me in ecstasy and they were cheering and dancing and I remember feeling so happy for them that they could be happy and dance.

I felt like I was also a salvia god and that I was guiding other people who tripping through their trips. I remember feeling like people were looking to me for the answer, and I felt the saliva rolls of prickly cube energy pouring outward from me that carried their answers.

I fell asleep but I had no idea I was sleeping and thought I was 100% awake and in my room doing stuff, only to "wake up" again and at this point I was sobering up and it was starting to piss me off because I had been "waking up" for like 7 hours now and was ready to be sober. That was 6 hours ago, and now I have a definite DXM afterglow, but one of the most pronounced things about this combo is that it felt like a very subtle salvia trip basically the entire time. The DXM and nitrous drew the salvia into this long prickly rod that underpinned the entire trip.

Oh, and smoking tobacco on salvia was a very interesting experience. It 100% intensified the trip somehow, and even sent me back into it after waking up from a trip. I definitely see why native shamans used this herb.

10/10 would do again. Salvia is hands down the strangest and most amazing entheogen I've ever consumed and I look forward to learning more from it.

All of the substances used tonight are 100% legal in my state of MA which helps to reduce paranoia going into the trip.

----- Disclaimer and notes on salvia -----

It is also important to note as this post is gaining traction and may be found by others in the future; that salvia is in a class of it's own, sometimes referred to as an "existentia", but for the purposes of this disclaimer, I will call it a deliriant. The visions that one has on salvia are very powerful and feel as real as the reality before you now. It is nearly impossible for all but the most experienced shamans to understand that they are on a psychedelic journey.

It is also necessary to highlight that after this experience, I have not deluded myself into thinking that I am actually a God or some shaman or anything of that nature. Believing such a lie would be to spit in the face of this experience. I believe I was merely given a peek at what role our spirit plays in life and existence and due to my meditation and prayers to the higher beings, they allowed me to experience this. I don't even accept all of these experiences at face value. One has to be open to the possibility that these experiences are mere delusions and akin to "dreams", but one has to give equal weight to the possibility that these experiences are as real as our everyday conscious experience is and that they exist in the same capacity and represent real realities and modes of being for the human spirit. That is a lifelong journey of discovery and I don't think I need to feel like I have the answer yet.

----- Takeaways and Experiences Learned -----

As for what I "got" from this experience: The main takeaway I have from this experience is that I believe that we exist on a "ladder" of consciousness; and as humans were at at a rung on that ladder, and when we "die" our consciousness will progress up (or maybe even down) this ladder. I also believe that we are possibly in some sort of "heaven" right now as humans on this planet, and that we should cherish this life on Earth because the universe has given us a truly, truly beautiful and infinitely complex gift. The beauty and glory of humanity far outweighs the depravity of Earth, and of what other realms may expose; what some would call "Hell".

Such revelations on these journeys do not come for "free", nor do they mean anything if one doesn't establish a formal meditative or spiritual practice in one's corporeal form to integrate these experiences into our actual awareness. Being a physical being is in no way "less than" what our astral forms can offer, and is an equally precious gift and experience that we should seek to get as much out of as we do our astral experiences. Having these experiences with nothing to anchor them to, is dangerous and irresponsible not only to ourselves but our loved ones and those that we come in contact with that may be the recipient of our half-baked or misguided "knowledge". If you do undergo a transformative experience, I suggest sharing instead of telling, and and explaining instead of proclaiming.

And last but not least, I highly recommend anyone who is sound of mind to experience a gentle salvia ritual by one's own self, with plain leaf herb, and an honest devotion to the gods you will undoubtedly encounter. Safe travels <3

----- Trip Overview, Substances, Set, Setting, & Post-trip -----

Overview of substances and amount

Stomach contents: I ate 5 Guys hamburger 3 hours before beginning the trip

Set & Setting: At home alone, on a Friday night with no expected distractions or major stressors. I was somewhat anxious about an project I was tackling at work that I didn't feel I gave 100% on this week so I felt a sense of guilt and shame for my team at work which was energy I needed to release before beginning the trip. Cleaned all rooms visible from where I was tripping, lit incense and was listening to some loud and high-energy R&B and rap music about 2 hours before starting to make preparations as a release from work stress. Had multiple mood lights and a blacklight in my room. Switched music to A Psybient playlist on Spotify (which can be found here if you're interested. It is very long and well-curated) about an hour before the trip, then took a shower and got very clean, shaved, did my skin-care routine, applied cocoa butter to my entire body while praying and asking for protection and guidance, and slipped into a long and comfy night-gown. Started meditating 30 minutes before consuming the DXM, and continued meditating for about an hour until I could feel the trip coming on and my mind completely relaxing.

Post-trip awareness and comedown: The next morning I had to be on a call at 9:00AM to assist with any technical issues for a code deployment at my job, where I work as a software engineer. A major problem occurred unexpectedly very early in the process and I was still very much coming down on the DXM and digesting the salvia experiences. I found the call to be extremely fun even though I wasn't in a technical state of mind to provide as much help as I usually could when sober. I felt very connected to all of my coworkers and team mates, and had a great time laughing and talking to my coworkers about fish and coral being conscious and having feelings, and felt an unusually "mature" and driving role in the process. The experience definitely gave me some unexpected confidence and I was able to do my best to keep everyone calm and focused on the issue at hand.

I spent the rest of the day in a very relaxed mood and continuously smiling and remembering bits and pieces of the experience and trying to put the pieces together. I felt more appreciative than I have in a long time, perhaps ever, for the fact that I'm simply alive and I think that was the first time I ever genuinely thanked the universe for giving birth me.