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I've had a few experiences but no longer use it because of the fatalities which are truly tragic (and somewhat mysterious, which is a cause of concern). Thinking of them (which I do almost every time I think about the substance) consistently puts me in a really sad mood, further decreasing my desire to take the substance.
- On one of my first 3-4 experiences (750mcg nasally) I experienced very strong feelings of predeterminism which was very uncomfortable, this might have been triggered by listening to an Alan Watts lecture in a completely dark room, with nothing but a visualization of the sound wave on the computer screen.
- On a later experience (my last, 1mg nasally) I completely lost my shit. I was afraid I had done a fatal mistake with dosage (I hadn't, I knew I couldn't have since I used the same 2.5mg/ml intranasal solution as on previous trips) when I experienced stronger effects than expected. I was practically ready to call an ambulance but was luckily stopped by my friends (same dosage) who all probably though I had finally gone insane. 2-3h into the trip I calmed down because I realized that whatever death was it couldn't be worse than the fear of it. During the entire trip I saw the same Z shaped fractal which my account is named after (yet it wasn't really Z shaped, it's just the closest approximation I can describe. I was unable to recreate it on paper after the trip). It filled up my entire vision, my friends irises all took the shape of it, then their eyes, then their faces, then their heads, then the rest of my visual field after which details started appearing again and the cycle started all over again. I closed my eyes while I layed in bed and saw how a small bright point of light exploded into everything, slowly fading into nothingness, and right before it was all nothing, a small bright light appeared again, and it repeated itself over and over while I experienced a sort of euphoria from some strange perception that nothing is the absence of everything. It all stopped as soon as I opened my eyes.
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