Experience: 1 tab 1P-LSD (oral) - Finding myself within the forest

Context: Me and a few of my friends had intended to go out in the woods tripping. A lot didn't go to plan because I'd had a breakup which I took badly, and drank for the start of the morning. For most of the day I had no way of getting the time. Only at a few moments when I bumped into people and asked.

I had a couple of tabs that I have been saving, which I had intended to use on the Friday evening. The night before I had just had a breakup which, naturally, put me in quite a bad, self-destructive mood. We had planned to take the tabs at around 2pm, and trip throughout the night.

As the morning arrived, I was quite angry and I had a double of rum to start it, followed by half a can while sat in the woods waiting for my friends. I suppose the small amount of alcohol was enough to convince me to take a tab there and then (9:30am), so I did. I walked through the woods to another frequent hangout spot, bumping into some of my buddies.

I sat down, and it wasn't before long it kicked in. It seems like 30-40 minutes was all it would take for me to start feeling the effects. I was sat down at the time, then I laid back looking up at the tree above. I looked at how the branches continuously branched off.

From here, I started to have this feeling of detachment. I felt more like a spectator among the group of my friends than actually one of them. Though I'd be included among conversation, I kept zoning out and not taking in anything that was being said. I felt hysterical, laughing at anything and everything. Around this time, someone was passing a joint around.

All the anger that I had been feeling the night before and the morning had gone. I felt much happier once I came up, with no worries or cares. I was laid in the grass, sprawled out with the occasional position adjustment. Soon after, I was convinced by one of my 'buddies' to give them my other tab (which was intended for another friend who wasn't in.) It wasn't hard for the other person to convince me - I felt too happy and carefree to worry about the consequences of 'jibbing' off one of my other mates who it was intended for.

After my other buddy took his tab (in exchange for the remnants of his weed, £3 in cash and £7 he would pay back the following week.) We then, as a group, moved further into the forest towards a shady tree that sat in front of a wall where a local road traveled past. We all sat down and chained off many cigarettes and we smoked the rest of our weed.

The rest of the group had to return to college for lessons, but I didn't want to go there at all, so I remained, alone. The first few minutes were bliss, I was sat looking at how beautiful all the trees and leaves looked. I felt connected to nature, sat on the floor taking in the sun. The tree was quite old, and from looking at it, I could see the bark fall into an infinite pattern that kept getting smaller. The tree, to me, also looked like it was a sort of statue from the way the bark had bulges on.

I continued to sit there. Must have been for over an hour or two. The bush I was looking straight at, looked back at me as if the leaves were sharp pincers (although retaining their texture and color.) It didn't bother me, but it started a thought train within my head. One that would make me think deeply into my annoyed situation. For a lot of this solitary time, I felt like both a psychiatrist and a patient. I was thinking about my problems in depth, but then providing myself with helpful solutions and ways to cope. Rather than the need to have a relationship, I started to think about my relationship with myself; how I can be independent and that I do not need another person to be happy.

After getting bored from being sat alone for 2 hours, I got up and decided to walk to the original place I hungout with my friends. Nobody was there. I sat there and took the lovely view into account, feeling a lot happier about myself.

My fellow tripping buddy showed up on the way to the spot by the tree and the wall. I shouted him over and he wandered through the field and sat down.

"The others are coming over you know." He was referring to the group of friends we hung around with. We started to walk back to the spot by the tree on the wall. Although to get there you have to walk through the field which I was watching (which meant I would have seen my friends walk there) I doubted if I would have actually seen them, so we walked all the way there.

We found nobody and returned to the spot by the tree.

(Fast forwarding some time, I sat around for a lot longer, often moving towards the two spots. I was in the same mood watching the landscapes and the trees for quite a few hours of the trip.)

The time was now 2:30 and I was sat by the tree in the field, where my two good friends show up to smoke before getting the bus home. I sat there with them, offering them my tobacco and skins in exchange for a turn in rotation. I was sensing something was wrong with my friend at this point. I was quite paranoid. Not that he was going to hurt me or cause me bother, but he was unwell and his voice sounded very panicked and hesitant. I sensed that something was off (though it wasn't, he actually was just unwell.) In my mind I was thinking something wasn't right. My paranoia increased (though I didn't show it). I felt like they were hiding something from me. I hadn't seen most of my college friends throughout the day, and my friend that I had intended to trip with had gotten pissed off that I tripped without him.

The situation I was in felt like a 'lamb to the slaughter' type of situation. They were being so nice to me as if I was going to die in a moment. It started to feel that way too. I felt like after we smoked the last few doobies, I'd be led off to some sort of Caesar esq betrayal. From thinking about it, I realized that it doesn't matter. If I was going to die, I'd spent the last minutes with my friends smoking and having a good time.

Of course, I didn't die, though the feeling that I might persisted throughout the whole evening.

It was around 3:30pm. I decided to return to college to see if any of my friends were back there, and if they would want to hang out with me back at college. Nobody wanted to, so I waved off my friends and returned to the field to sit until the trip died down. I only stayed for around an hour this time, gazing at the beautiful scenery.

I headed to the caravan (a place where my cousin and her boyfriend often hungout which was also on the other end of town). They weren't in. I realized that at this point I was hungry and thirsty, and I had the £3 on me. I headed towards the local shell garage, where I bumped into her boyfriend's brother. They were just hanging out, smoking before they were going in, so I asked if I could hang out for a while.

I was only with them for about 10-15 minutes before they headed off. Back across town I walked to get back to the field.

At this point I was feeling very sober, and I thought that I was slowly coming down off the drug.

On my way walking, I got to some roads. As I started to cross one, the road felt tiny, but running across it felt like it took ages. I heard people shouting, but I still cannot understand if they were actually shouting at me for being stupid on the road, or my paranoid mind was hearing things which seemed more likely.

I finally got back to the spot. I felt dreadful because I may have caused obstruction on the road, but I was still high as a kite. I wanted to get sober so I could return home with no worries. I sat there and tried to focus on relaxing and calming down. At this point, I had smoked all of the tobacco on me and I desperately needed a smoke. I picked up a few bingies off of the floor, and lit and toked them for what would seem like a pretty shoddy lasts off.

I sat there and fixated again, meditating, relaxing. Bringing myself to a mellow point where I could free myself of any worry again. The cars driving by sounded very loud. As they drove past, even the sound started to feel distorted. Slower. I also started hearing sirens as I tried to calm myself.

Then, after calming myself, I started to think about this 'relationship with myself' and how I can gain independence. My great conclusion was to move out of my parent's house. My idea remained with me the whole day, and I felt very happy that I had figured out what I wanted to do. I felt purpose. I moved from the spot by the tree back to the big field.

While walking there, I came across this small dehydrated field mouse. I picked it up and started to care for it. I felt quite similar to this mouse. I was outside, alone with no food or water. I wrapped it up in my bandanna, hopefully it would cool it down on this warm day. I would continue to still be a bit paranoid by sitting there. I saw a man walk across the field, and it looked like he was pacing from one end to the other. At first I was skeptical, but it progressed. He looked strung out. At least, that's what I thought. I gave it a few minutes and he went away.

It was around 5 or 6 now. The sun was setting. I felt more comfortable on the road now, and capable of travel once again. I got up and walked to the caravan again, bumping into my cousin's boyfriend's brother once again. I only hung with them for a minute before going to the caravan.

There, my cousin's boyfriend was in. I sat with him for a good few hours, smoking. Before I knew it, it was 9pm. My cousin was going to go to the caravan, so I had to leave them both on their own. I walked around the local park and sat on a skate-park ramp for an hour.

Although I was still tripping, I decided to return home. It was around 10pm and I felt confident enough that I could masquerade as being drunk, but also that it was late enough that I wouldn't be confronted by any family member.

I got up to my bed, stripped off and I climb in. I felt very sluggish, but finally I felt like I was home. No feelings of doom. I felt relaxed and tired after a long day's trip.

-- Morning after, I felt quite refreshed. Looking at my jacket, I have some sort of fecal matter on the back, most likely from laying in the field all day. My bandanna needs washing and I hope to god the field mouse wasn't diseased too.

I now feel more at peace than I did before. I don't feel angry from my breakup. It feels like it has been one long journey. A quest to find one's self.

Submitted by Messiah

• Depersonalisation - "I started to have this feeling of detachment. I felt more like a spectator among the group of my friends than actually one of them."
• Emotion enhancement - "I felt much happier once I came up, with no worries or cares."
• Spirituality enhancement - "I felt connected to nature"
• Geometry - "I could see the bark fall into an infinite pattern that kept getting smaller."
• Analysis enhancement - "I was thinking about my problems in depth, but then providing myself with helpful solutions and ways to cope."
• Paranoia - "My paranoia increased"
• Delusion - "I felt like after we smoked the last few doobies, I'd be led off to some sort of Caesar esq betrayal."
• Perspective distortions - "the road felt tiny,"
• Time distortion - "running across it felt like it took ages"