Experience:3g Syrian Rue + 5g Acacia Confusa - Life Changing Madness

First, some important background information. I had only started smoking cannabis 3-4 months before this experience. My cannabis use was uncontrolled and was a minor problem. My heavy use was ended when the police searched my dorm room. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The cannabis certainly helped with the anxiety, but having to stop for drug tests and getting in trouble with the law and the school really did not help. I had been interested in psychedelics prior to this event and had tried 25b once before. I also took LSD twice and then mushrooms once before this Ayahuasca experience.

I had a friend at this time (B) that had separation anxiety and addiction issues. He could not stand to be alone for one second. He demanded that I brought him along and made a separate dose for him. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I agreed to do this. I had hoped that it would help open his eyes. He did not care what the effects of the drug were, he just wanted to get high.

When I had a free couple of days, I decided to do it, thinking I had researched enough and was prepared. When the brew was prepared, my friend and I met at a set of tables spaced appropriately from any buildings so smokers could sit and smoke. These tables were fairly popular among many drug users as a hangout spot. I decided to make the Ayahuasca Milkshake. We ate the seeds, then 15-25 minutes later, we began drinking the milkshake. The taste and smell was horrendous. It was quite difficult to get down. I believe if i had put more bananas in it that it would have been somewhat easier. When we were done we just sat around. A crowd started accumulating; it's easy to get people out there just by sitting there.

My set and setting were both bad. I was worried about the legal issues, annoyed that my "friend" was there. There was someone there who was not a drug user and just wanted to see something bad happen to us. He continuously made non-helpful remarks like "Oh I'm having so much fun" and then pretending to vomit.

Eventually I began to feel a little light headed and extremely nauseous. It was difficult to process what was going on in my field of vision, fairly intensely decreased Visual Acuity and Visual Haze. I felt like I was only half-conscious: maybe this could be categorized as Thought Deceleration. I sat down for a few seconds and, in attempt to seem like I was okay, asked some people what they were doing. As soon as the question left my mouth, A wave of blackness overcame me (Consciousness disconnection?). It was as if I blinked and let my muscles relax, no convulsions. As soon as I opened my eyes again, everyone was looking at me. Some said I just had a seizure. The one who was not a drug user but was probably the most intelligent and most medically knowledgeable said that it was not. I don't believe it was a seizure, just the power of the brew kicking in rapidly (Loss of Motor Control). I needed to lay down. Another friend said that I could rest in his room. I began to walk with him towards his dorm, but soon after standing up, another wave of darkness hit me. Whatever my eyes were focused on I could see just fine, but around the edges of my vision were kaleidoscoping black triangles. I had no sense of what was going on, but people we're holding me up, guiding me to my friend's room. I was not thinking anything. It was very dreamlike. I thought that, when I lost muscle control, I had soiled myself. When I got into the elevator, there was a sorority girl in there. She looked at me and said something about drinking, to which my fellow table-goers agreed was the problem (although they knew it was not). I decided that it would be a good idea to tell her that I thought I soiled myself. I blanked out again and found myself on the bed when I opened my eyes again. I needed to check if I was correct about the bladder problem, so I asked for help getting to the bathroom. It turns out that I had not, but when I got out of the stall, I found I could walk around again just fine. If I had been capable of any thought at that time, I would have known I was dying. B was still sitting outside at the table, just staring off into space. After resting on the bed for a bit, just feeling embarrassed and lightheaded but not really tripping, I decided I would get out of my friend's hair and go lay in MY bed. Everyone was still concerned I would have another "Seizure" but I did not. I also could not throw up, although I wanted to.

When I was alone in my room, laying down, I began to feel myself slipping off into something like non-existence. I think what I was experiencing was what dying feels like. It was almost physical. The shadows of the blinds on the ceiling seemed to go on forever. My thought patterns were looping very badly but I was slowly gaining more introspective insight. I also felt a very vague presence but I could not put my finger on it nor was there any kind of communication.

After a while of this, the friend who let me lay in his room called me and told me that B made him call 911. This kicked my anxiety into overdrive, although that situation would probably do that to anyone. I immediately jumped out of bed, grabbed the ingredients for the brew and went to another dorm to throw them away in a trash chute. I found that suddenly I had thought acceleration instead of deceleration. I speed walked down to the table to try to locate B's room mate to tell him what happened and to suggest that he relocate his cannabis supplies. Then I went back to my room. On the way there I noticed that for quite some time I had been hearing a quiet screeching/buzzing/humming noise. Like a white noise made of screams. I was still nauseous but could not throw up. I just laid in my room waiting for it to end, waiting to fall asleep, feeling sure I was dying.

When it was over I began to deeply question the nature of reality. Somewhere, maybe when I felt the other's presence, I felt another reality, so alien and unlike ours. I was scared to close my eyes because I thought that when I opened them I might find myself in another reality. I have developed an intense fear of my inevitable death. I also occasionally get mild dissociation. These effects are almost gone, 3 months later, although I doubt I can ever truly come to terms with my death (and I think most people can not).

However, I became very motivated to do well in all areas of life. I am far more understanding of other people than I was. Far more open-minded, capable of seeing things from other's perspectives. I don't think the life-changing came from the feeling that I was dying but it was part of it. Some day I will try again in a good set and setting.

Submitted by - Marwyn

• Nausea - "Eventually I began to feel a little light headed and extremely nauseous." "I was still nauseous but could not throw up."
• Visual acuity suppression - "It was difficult to process what was going on in my field of vision, fairly intensely decreased Visual Acuity and Visual Haze."
• Visual haze - "fairly intensely decreased Visual Acuity and Visual Haze."
• Motor control loss - "I don't believe it was a seizure, just the power of the brew kicking in rapidly (Loss of Motor Control)."
• Geometry - "around the edges of my vision were kaleidoscoping black triangles."
• Memory suppression - "I began to feel myself slipping off into something like non-existence. I think what I was experiencing was what dying feels like."
• Depth perception distortions - "The shadows of the blinds on the ceiling seemed to go on forever."
• Thought loops - "My thought patterns were looping very badly"
• Analysis enhancement (introspection) - "but I was slowly gaining more introspective insight."
• Direct communication with the subconscious (low level) - "I also felt a very vague presence but I could not put my finger on it nor was there any kind of communication."
• Thought acceleration and Thought deceleration - I found that suddenly I had thought acceleration instead of deceleration.
• Auditory hallucinations - "On the way there I noticed that for quite some time I had been hearing a quiet screeching/buzzing/humming noise. Like a white noise made of screams."
• Autonomous entities - "Somewhere, maybe when I felt the other's presence, I felt another reality, so alien and unlike ours."