Experience:Mushrooms and Snuff Films -- Trip Report (3.5 grams)
Experience reports - Mushrooms and Cannabis
- Date: Early Fall, 2013
- Gender: Male
- Weight: 50 kg / 110 lbs
- Age: 18 at the time
- Level of Psychedelic Experience Reached: Level 3
- Other substances used: Cannabis
- Archetypes: Compassionate / Commune, Holistic, Tribal, Exotic, Biological, Science Fiction
- Species: Psilocybe cubensis
- Etc: My friend's first full mushroom trip, Catharsis.
This happened in August or September of 2013. Now my Filipino friend and I wanted to trip on a particular day during the daylight hours, but his mom was being weird all day making him move stuff, so this experience ended up happening at nighttime instead. Kind of sucks though because we had planned all of it out like it would be daytime, we were gonna go to the lake nearby and just chill but at night that place is sketchy with meth-heads and bums and whatnot. We were gonna take a full eighth (3.5 grams) of potent mushrooms, so we didn’t want any major happenings or sketchy situations on such a strong trip. There were only a select few places that were “safe” for tripping at least at night. One of them, and I guess the one we decided on was my old elementary school, so we tripped at my old elementary school at night on an eighth of shrooms lol.
We just didn’t know where else to go because of this delay on our trip we hadn’t planned for. Was a strange kind of place to do shrooms because it was kind of ‘rural' in a way and not really like the rest of my town, and there is a mobile home area right next to the school and that’s the only mobile home park I know about or have been to because the rest of my town is just like a stereotypical southern Californian town along with some suburbs so this was the small strange seemingly different part of the town in a way and not to mention when we bought the shrooms we bought them far away and in such a strange location me and my other friend, but that’s a whole other story.
So anyways back to the story this was my tripping friend’s first official mushroom trip, his first real trip period actually. He had taken a half gram of mushrooms one time in the mountains with me and gotten some slight visuals and him eventually later down the line ended up trying smallish doses of 2C-B and even DXM but that was all mild and all in the past so this was going to be his first real psychedelic trip. His first real tryptamine journey. But his body and brain still technically wasn’t new to psilocybin/psilocin since he had taken that half a gram in the past and technically got effects from it, so we each take an eighth in this canyon behind my house across from the lake before we decide to go to the elementary school to trip. It’s still light out at this time but only a bit. His face turns so red as he’s eating the mushrooms. They’re just so hard to get down and stomach for both of us, and we have a bunch of orange juice and oranges we’re trying to chase it with. I end up using some of his oranges because I ran out and even though his face was lighting up red just from eating them he didn’t care and let me have the extra oranges.
Probably about 10 minutes later we leave and head about 1 mile down past the busy part of my town and past his apartments off to my old school because my friend actually lived right near it. So like 20 more minutes later when we pass this cafe right on the corner of the street my school is on I start to feel it and the strange creeping up. It wasn’t that bad, though, it is usually much more anxious and ominous the mushroom come up, but this time it felt okay and things very very slightly just looked more saturated and organic I guess. I asked him if he felt it since I clearly did and he said “No” and he said “haha that would be funny if I don’t feel anything the whole night and you just trip haha” and I laugh too but then internally think to myself “shit what if that actually happens” lol and I’m kind of worried but not really because I know he has to feel it eventually my rational side reminds me. So we get to the school, and as we’re walking in through the dark parking lot, we’re talking about what shrooms do I guess, and he said something like he just wanted to see shit and I told him shroom trips are mostly mental and he’s like “What? Really? I thought it was all just visual” So anyways we hop the small fence and go inside the school and eventually get to the other side of the school and for whatever fucking reason I can’t figure out why… we for some strange reason decided to lay down; yes lay down on the concrete…not grass but fucking concrete and we’re right next to this fence, I mean we were more so ‘under' this fence because the fence was on top of this incline, and there was the mobile home park on the other side of this fence with people and a few cars and shit but it was still very dark, and we were pretty sure you couldn’t see us. We were low to the ground, and we thought that was the right thing to do lol.
Start of the Trip
I have no idea why we decided to lay there, I mean we were laying there because we didn’t want to be seen by the trailer park people and I know we were trying to get to a place where we could run if cops come. I'm not sure if we were just really paranoid naturally or just extremely cautious, but I know it was because of that, fear of getting caught or someone ruining the trip. The constabulary was the last thing we wanted to see. We didn’t want to be in the middle of the school for some reason we wanted to be on the edges. So we’re laying down below this fence on the other side of this damn trailer park, on the concrete and we just lay there for like 3 hours without even thinking about it or how ridiculous it is. But I forgot to mention before we laid down; my friend started to feel it of course, and we explored and found the spot I’m talking about but also saw this small concrete "wall” if you want even to call it that right next to the place where we laid down, and it literally had a skull on it. Now there obviously wasn’t really a skull there it was just the mushrooms changing my perception and giving me a kind of pareidolia effect where it’s just my mind sort of making patterns out of nothing. Well this is the first hallucination of the trip and I know it’s just a hallucination but even when I tried my hardest to make it go away with my mind it wouldn’t, it was extremely realistic looking, and it wouldn’t even budge. Seeing faces on mushrooms is a regular thing for me but they are usually very sacred or ominous looking faces like usually very megalithic and ancient in appearance but this was just a flat out skull, and I had never seen a skull on this drug, so I tried to change my perception of it, and it just wouldn't work. I would look away, look back and it’s still there, I would not pay attention to it for a few minutes and think about other things unrelated then I look, and it’s still there and from all angles. I couldn’t see a skull there, and it was there for the whole 2 or 3 hours we were at this spot, even while I was laying down on my back and would occasionally look up I’d be visibly greeted by it even when I had long forgotten about it.
It was no big deal though just strange so anyways we lay there for hours, and it was honestly a really nice experience. This wasn’t the very visually rich part of the journey or very emotional or otherworldly but this was just where everything was one big mindfuck but a nice mindfuck, a manageable mindfuck, things also got extremely distorted audibly and seemed in some ways conjoined yet extremely abstract. All our senses got so ridiculously distorted, nothing was really making sense, and there seemed to be so much going on like some phenomenological transformation. Not what my friend expected at all; not even what I expected honestly. I remember the moon in the lower part of the sky behind a tree throughout the night would change positions or it would seem that way to us at least like it was going back and forth between higher and lower and at one point it was very deep and yellowish orange. I’m still not sure to this day how much of this was just the shrooms. It was all quite confusing and contradictory, and we both pointed out how nothing that was going on made any sense, but we were both just entranced by the sounds of our environment and the sight of the sky with the stars.
It was hilarious how calm we felt laying on the pavement in this dark elementary school, but I’m not gonna lie we would occasionally pop our heads up while still laying down and just look around to make sure we were “safe" and that there was nothing ‘lurking in the shadows’ because that feeling occasionally came up for both go us but it wasn’t very scary it just seemed like a more real possibility at the time. We would laugh every time we would see each other slightly sit up to look around quickly. We were staring up at the stars for the most part while laying back and seeing the planes fly over by. The planes all must have the same route or something because we saw like 3 or 4 separate commercial planes fly over us and all from the same angle following the same path so I guess it was a flight path we were under. There was a telephone wire above us as well in our field of vision, and my friend said it looked or felt like to him that the telephone wire appeared as if it was splitting or separating the sky. Like a giant black border but way up miles in the sky instead of just 25 feet above us. I remember looking at the building that wasn’t far from our feet. We were across from the corner of the building of this classroom, and the wall or the angles of everything just started to slowly look more and more incomprehensible and less comfortable and reassuring to the rational mind and it began to look like it was slowly doing something that was impossible and geometric but was more psychological than ‘visual'. It looked like it was trying to show me something about physics but the trip still wasn’t very visually intricate at this point just very mental and very heavy on my perceptions and how I was interpreting visual data and the dimensions of objects. Externally things were very slow and still fairly ominous, and internally my brain’s background noise seemed to be slowly creeping forward and running its course. Kind of like my imagination as well as the rest of my consciousness coming more to life.
We kept experiencing more illusions and strange mindfucks. We would see the planes fly over and see the stars all in the background, so it made it look like the planes were actually flying through outer space because of the stars and dark sky, and it just looked so amazing to us and was almost like slow motion and we would go “woooOOOOAAAHH” every time a plane would go over us towards the end. It was like a ride for us each time a plane passed by. I remember looking at my friend after a plane went by, and he was still looking up, and so I just saw the profile of his face, and him smiling and saw that he had this blueish/purple vibrating aura or energy radiating off the edges of his skin which was quite cool because I had never seen things like “reinforced” and vibrating colors around stuff before and have never really been much into ‘auras’ even on psychedelics.
This is when things really began to get distorted, and I guess some very deep thinking and some general introspection along with answers to some of my personal problems or things that I thought were a big deal came about. The sounds of the cars driving through the trailer park sounded SOOO crazy like so fucking crazy and futuristic but very garbled and echoey. They sounded like actual fucking spaceships or something like that, and the sounds were getting so distorted they were like bouncing everywhere and almost started to sound like high-quality science fiction lasers or sound effects. The sounds were so crisp and clear and the light from the cars' headlights would have such a strange appearance as they would shine from different levels of intensity and different angels and the cars would turn, and it looked so freaky and alive and cool at the same time just very alien and somewhat intimidating like I didn’t know what it was almost or if I was really completely safe to be near. The cars felt alive and like weird possibly menacing but futuristic technology on a cold, ruthless planet. There was just a crazy animalistic perspective in me. It was also getting fairly cold where my friend and I were at. Felt like we were in a strange garbled sci-fi world for like 20 to 30 minutes, was very off-world at least in its distortions and essence. This was all still while laying down underneath this fence by the way. My friend at this time said “Man…man holy shit man this is an experience. Dude this is a fucking experience dawg, ” and he just kept saying 'this is an experience' and he said; “Man just the sounds and things I’m hearing and feeling right now are so crazy” and I agreed with him. Fuck the stuff we were seeing and thinking the stuff we were hearing was the craziest thing in that moment. The cosmic beeps and echoes.
After the Peak
As the peak fades off and descends down into the more grounded stage where our minds are less warped and displaced we decide it’s time to leave the school because it’s starting to get cold and we start having bad memories to the other time we were extremely cold on mushrooms, he also thinks it’s cool if we go to his house now. But then he says “Fuck I don’t know though if this is just another wave or not” because we could definitely feel the trip coming in waves. I mean we were laying there for quite some time it felt like.
So we start walking down this super dark hallway both fully immersed in the experience since we’re past the "peak” and are both feeling good but it is dark as hell. My friend when we were walking started cracking up saying “Are we gonna start seeing random shit in the hallways haha” and I don’t know it was just really funny at the time because you think to yourself "I’m on a good dose of a powerful hallucinogen right now in a dark and creepy elementary school, so that is no remote possibility”. Right when he said that too I literally saw this purple ethereal thing float or drift by my vision in the middle of the hallway. So eventually we get out of the school and are walking by this trailer park but on the other side now. We are just having a good time feeling good and walking, feeling like we’ve just been embraced by good ol’ mother nature and organic cosmic energy or alien signals from wherever or whatever that shit was, and then we see this really very dark trailer as we walk by. Darker than the rest on the little porch part and we both see this reddish orange glow hovering in the middle of the air, like a small glowing orange circle.
We start walking really slow almost stopping completely and are both like “wtf” and we just kind of examine it and my friend is like “what the heck is that?” and then I suddenly see that it is a man smoking a cigarette on his porch looking at us looking at him, this perfectly circular “hovering orange glow” we were seeing in the air was just the end of his lit cigarette everything around it was just really dark, and I said “Oh shit that’s a person!” and my other friend is like “ah oh shit” as we’re walking off. I’m kind of paranoid walking to his house but not that paranoid I just didn’t want some random night walker or meth head fucking up my trip, but my friend was in too good of a mood to think about any of that. Eventually, we get to his apartment which was really close by anyways thankfully. We go inside, and it’s only a 1 bedroom apartment, and the bedroom door is closed with my friend's mom and her boyfriend in there and her boyfriend I guess knew we were doing shrooms that night and was cool with it, and so was my friend’s younger brother who was with us in the living room the whole night basically because that’s where him and his brother both sleep, in the living room. My tripping friend’s mom had done smoked DMT before and was cool with that, but at this point in time, I’m not sure if she was “okay” with mushrooms or not since she had tried no other psychedelics or really knew I think.
Well, my friend luckily has a balcony right outside the living room, so we were hanging out there for a while. This was a really long experience. Anyways we began to smoke weed out of his bong and listen to music by The Beatles. His apartment complex was so fucking sick too because it looked so exotic. Like literally exotic with all the interesting looking plants and trees..and water..it’s weird and hard to explain. It felt like I was in fucking Avatar and this is actually the most ‘avatar' themed trip I’ve ever had because I have had other trips surrounding this exotic communal theme before. Almost like I’m a half alien half primate being in this cosmic world that resembles some kind of South American jungle. It felt so biologically commune and felt so third world and spiritual. During certain parts of the trip, well actually a lot of the trip it felt like Ayahuasca or at least how I would picture it because I had never actually done ayahuasca before. I don’t know why though it just felt like exactly how I would picture ayahuasca in how exotic and cathartic/compassionate the trip was. Not a recreational experience by any means. If someone that night told me I drank ayahuasca instead of mushrooms I totally would have believed them. I was expecting just a trippy hallucinatory-filled night nothing so..soulful, deep and ancient. This trip just sounded a lot like many of the ayahuasca experiences that I hear about, this trip was very Gaian and sort of earth-oriented but science-fictiony at the same time and kind of dreamy but also somehow nothing like a dream. All of that stuff I just mentioned didn’t fully come yet though because at this stage the trip still had that cosmic eeriness to it as we were listening to the music. It was the transitioning period.
I remember we were feeling quite enlightened and happy and not enlightened in the sense of non-stop epiphanies or revelations but just being content with nature and the fabric of reality and consciousness while on his balcony overlooking these strange wild and cosmic looking apartments. We listened to that song Day In A Life by the Beatles and was incredible. The ending of that song really tripped us out and wasn’t expected either. We also listened to other Beatles songs, and we were both amazed by the sensor “structure” of the music. Like music at that moment wasn’t just noise or sound it was like it’s own physical thing. Or I guess ‘metaphysical' but point is it had a form of some sort or something like a morphogenetic field associated with it that was organic in its nature but so indescribable and we both felt it and were just smiling, egomaniacs in the night. This was a slightly ominous and alien feeling though I must add. I could feel the presence of the mushroom entity or spirit during this time. I was yawning quite a bit, and it felt very wild and animalistic when I was doing it, just like a really primitive ‘dreamy’ action I don’t know why. Felt so primal like I was a surreal, cartoonish primate somehow in the presence of the Gaian novelty and truth and a foreign entity.
This is when things really started to become much more meaningful and profound, and my mind was in a lot more places, and it was getting more visual yet lucid. My friend started playing Andre Nickatina at this point though which is pretty funny and we were listening to the song Kill Whale and I remember just how angry he sounded when rapping lol. It was just hilarious at the time and felt like satire. Keep in mind we’re also smoking weed and smoking and smoking out of his bong while on his balcony overlooking the whole apartments still so the weed is probably really potentiating our trip and probably without us noticing. We were both texting our girlfriends at this time, and his GF was being kind of weird I guess, and he kept urgently texting her a lot. My girlfriend texted me and asked what I was up to, and I said “mushrooming at _____’s house” then she said “My sweet drug addict” and I mention it to my tripping friend and we both start talking about our girlfriends and how it’s so weird that they’re both anti-drug or are just weird about drugs in general because they actually both are (were) which isn’t common for our other friends. It didn’t bother me though and I texted her “I wish you were here” just because me and my friend were both just feeling really lighthearted and empathetic but then my girlfriend texts back “Why” and I tell my friend and we both just start laughing and idk it just really came off as negative. I felt like others felt this feeling I was having as well and I thought this is just the way minds are, they’re always feeling this way or susceptible to this kind of mind space. Very natural and empathetic headspace felt ‘plant-like’ as well. I think I was starting to forget what normal everyday consciousness was like as well as him.
So some time passes, and we’re of course just chilling talking about stuff feeling the glory of the mushrooms, and we both seem amazed and like we were seeing the essence of the whole planet at that moment, but I don’t know how and can’t explain why. I wasn’t so sure what we were amazed about or feeling good about while overlooking this balcony. It wasn’t even that euphoric or blissful the trip it was just feeling good and content. It felt glorious somehow or other.
Eventually, somehow our conversation leads to me getting my house broken into because about a month or a month and a half before this trip I had actually walked in on my house being broken into. What happened was I went through my side door, through my garage and in through my family room like I usually do and I immediately heard walkie talkies and shit and thought “What? Is the plumber here or something? Nobody’s car was here in the garage so there should not be someone inside…” And then I just see this dude standing in my kitchen in all black with gloves but with no mask looking back at me and I didn’t have my knife in my pocket, so I ran back into the garage behind me and quickly grabbed a baseball bat, but by then he had dipped it out of there. It literally took me not even 5 seconds to get the bat, though, and I had to instead of chasing him quickly search the rest of the house scared that I might get shot or stabbed any second. I was stoned when this happened as well.
Anyways my friend asked “Would you be able to do anything to that guy while feeling like THIS” as he looked over the apartments and what little you could see of the town. And I didn’t really think about it I just immediately said: “I just wouldn’t kill him.. I would still fuck him up, though.” After this my mind went down an, I don’t want to say “dark” road or negative direction, but I began to really think about the people who broke into my house and burglary in general as a whole and then other significant forms of organized or high-level crime. By this time my ego felt really really crushed and felt totally alien. It was an extremely humbling feeling, I had almost no sense of self-importance, and again it felt very earth oriented and organic, very plant-based and highly moral. I thank trips like this for my moral intelligence, and though I may not always act on it, I still have it constantly in the background if I really choose to follow it. Now when I’m sober, I get cross chatter between my egoistic self and my higher consciousness.
This is where the trip get’s crazy. After a little while I’m looking over the edge of the balcony while my friend is sitting down listening to music and smoking weed and suddenly I see these white supremacists looking bald tweaker guy “running" from the left corner of the complex past our balcony and as he ran below us I was laughing and said something to him in a humorous way and started laughing because everything was just humorous at this time, but I noticed he wasn’t running normally. Was he ‘running' in a really slow ridiculous way like almost skipping or jumping? Or pegging along but he just looked whacked out on drugs. I don’t know if he had an overdose? A bad reaction? But it was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen. Looked like just a really bad drug or chemical reaction, he did not look right, but it was so random it was hard to take seriously. I was just in a dimension of humor and bizarreness.
Well not too long later we see some ambulances, and MULTIPLE goddamn firetrucks all pull into this relatively small apartment complex and the sounds man they were soo trippy and science fiction like from earlier but more coherent and pronounced. My friend and I thought the fire trucks sounded like Transformers but yea it was just chaotic as hell over there, so loud and we had a front row view of it all. There was so much going on, and so many noises and medical personnel came by rushing in with a stretcher. It was one of the most dramatic and surreal things I had ever seen, and my friend said “This happens like…Mmm ….Monthly” and I’m just thinking Wtf, and this is so crazy to be happening right now and having such a good view of it all and while being in a higher ‘realm’ of consciousness seemingly.
A little while later things eventually die down and then I don’t think my friend saw this but as I am standing up still looking over the complex and watching the scene calm down I see this very emotionally beat down and distressed girl walk swiftly from the very direction all of this was happening and just like that guy she walked directly by our balcony and as I was watching her I couldn’t see her face her hair was covering it the whole way which was extremely odd because I had never seen that happen to anyone before and it was I guess because of the angle and having her head looking down since she was sad. She looked kind of creepy the way her black hair was covering her face and her negative, sad vibe, but at the same time, she also looked decent overall, just like she needed some therapy from others or something. Again such a random and strange thing to see in such a state. This is when the trip really started to seem otherworldly and alien.
As this is all calming down my mind is going places once again I just started thinking about high-level crime and people who live through their egos and how they would NEVER be able to survive an experience like this with the things they’ve done and the things they believe, and they would most certainly not do what they do if they had THIS particular experience and clear viewing. If everyone in the drug cartels or in the human trafficking business had this same experience and this same egoless reflection on their being and other beings they would never even think about doing those things again, and it would be too painful for them. I remember at this point we were walking in and out through the screen door on the balcony into his living room I think because I kept having to go outside to pee and I peed A LOT during this trip, and my tripping friend didn’t have to piss once it was crazy.
Well when I was thinking about the crime and stuff and fucked up corrupt people and the really ugly side of humanity I was walking through the doorway from outside on the balcony into the living room and his living room is always very dimly lit, that’s just how it is in there so the mind’s eye visuals when you walk in and just visuals in general sort of coming to life when I step in that sort of dark setting. Well, I’m thinking about fucked up people and ego maniacs and then start thinking about REALLY bad things like torture and snuff films and rape. It wasn’t a bad or scary trip because I still felt amazing, but now it was on the subject of murder and no longer about white collar crimes and robbing others and selling huge quantities of drugs. Killing and physical damage of the innocent was not only vile and sickening but impossible to tolerate anymore at that moment.
As I’m thinking about torture and murder and violence, I begin to quite vividly remember and essentially ended up reliving watching an Eastern European snuff film that I had seen before called 3 Guys 1 Hammer. It’s basically an 8 minute long torture snuff film that took place in a forest in Ukraine of 2 guys targeting this older man who was riding a bike, and they killed him with a hammer and tortured him with it and with a screwdriver and I had to relive watching it with all the details and sounds and everything. And it wasn’t like it was simply in my head either it was like I could actually see the murder laid out in front of me and in 3D like I could look at it and hear it from different angles and could see the guy’s bloody face pulsating and all that and he was screaming as well which I could internally hear.
Well even though this visual sequence of the experience sounds horrible and borderline nightmarish it wasn’t actually that bad while it was happening. I think I was sort of forced to be content or okay with it and accept it but not that much pressure was required for that because I already felt great like a million bucks and like everything happens for a reason. I felt sort of like a God or like I was just in this Godly headspace or looking at everything from the viewpoint of a higher entity or force, and I just felt great physically and cognitively. The interesting thing was that after I relived watching that whole scenario, I couldn’t remember it anymore. It’s like it showed me it or made me re-see it and somehow from doing that it purged it from my memory completely. I can’t even remember how it looked or felt when it happened I just remember that it did happen. It was like a catharsis or releasing of some sort, but instead of with emotion it was with this memory, so it was purging or cleansing this “painful” memory from my mind, and to this day I still cannot remember it or the details of the video. I don’t want to watch any more videos like that ever again because I do not want to have to relive them so I can purge them out because that’s really how this stuff works, unfortunately. You have to face something in its full glory before you can expel it for good for some reason.
So I finally just go outside to piss and things like I said just look way more exotic and alien/foreign. It felt like I was in that movie Apocalypto and it felt like I was in this whole tribal community. The whole complex felt like one big biological community all connected and trusting. Through the night this “exotic” Avatar feeling slowly transitioned into something more tryptamine-like, deep and heavenly. Like every human was an emotional being and partner. It showed that since people have the miracle of consensual communication and language that we don’t have to harm each other since we have the ability to solve even complex problems through simple communication.
I remember being on the balcony again and looking at this tree right on my level and the leaves are all looking kind of flowy, active and strange but I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly and then suddenly it comes towards me in a way and then stops and goes back to normal. Every time I went out to piss it was just so otherworldly and the water from the sprinklers (because this was the middle of the night) made the complex look so crazy and interesting. The shine of the went floors were beautiful, and the whole environment was awe inspiring.
I remember eventually we just decide to spend the rest of the night in his living room, a fairly dark living room btw and just sit in front of the T.V. on the couch while his younger brother sleeps on the floor next to us. I was just blown back by watching T.V. I mean not only am I not used to watching T.V. so I didn’t recognize any of the commercials and/or movies being promoted or even a lot of the shows that were on but this is just when the visuals were absolutely HD crisp and gorgeous. Everything was so bright, colorful, beautiful, alive and exfoliating. All the images on T.V. seemed so abstract and organic in this weird colorful way, I remember seeing the trailer for the Aston Kutcher movie where he plays Steve Jobs (first time seeing or hearing about it) and for some reason in that mind space the trailer just looked amazing and so psychedelic even though in real life it’s not. Things were unbelievably psychedelic and just nice to look at and all very intricate and once again organic, I remember even parts of Ashton Kutcher’s body like his shoulder and stuff somehow seemed organic? Like half plant half..reptile. Was really strange but so HD so it was like wha….
I remember seeing images of beautiful almost fairy-like licentious looking women on the T.V. like in commercials and stuff, and I started feeling like this deep primal aesthetic horniness, like an ancillary intrinsic kind of horniness. I felt like I needed to be near a woman who is a common theme in mushroom trips I’ve noticed. Even when I’m not horny there’s just for some reason a yearning for having a female just present and this happens to my other tripping friends too.
Well during this time of all this amazingly complex and glowing visualizations on the television and just in general I feel this sense of Deja Vu like the feeling I’ve been here before like been “here” before I was born. It felt like I was starting to sort of remembering what reality was like or what something was like before I entered my human body and my human essence. Like I was figuring out the secret to life or what happens when you die, but it wasn’t really “figuring out” so much as it was like I was remembering the place I’ll “go” when I die I feel like I’ve already been. And I start thinking to myself how is it possible to live and die and never experience this state of consciousness? How is it possible? There has to be something like this after you die this is too big and too real to pass up or miss. What’s going on?
At this point, the internal hallucinations (mental visions in the dark) started becoming REALLY strong and pronounced and also vivid while being sort of dreamlike and hypnogogic. Still all very organic too. I start either decidedly or undecidedly (I can’t remember) thinking about important people in my life, but every time I think of one of them I kind of “view” them visually as well and when I viewed each of them they would each appear in this greenish dreamlike organic looking paisley pattern. It was like a green dreamy paisley pattern but somehow felt heavily related to organic nature and consciousness as well. Weird stuff and at some point, I start thinking about my grandfather who passed away the same year this trip was going on, probably just a few months after he died actually. Well, I don’t know how else to put it, but I started “seeing” him…like I saw his image or his soul but it “looked” quite different because it wasn’t like he had skin or even a body he looked entirely made up these glowing, luminous filaments, almost like roots..but they were just like filaments that just glowed, and there was many of them, and it looked vastly complex, and like they were making up his entire form. I could still definitely tell it was him though, a normal person who experienced this would probably just say “Oh ya I saw my grandfather” but I know that I didn’t just see him I saw him in this completely other form and I just got the sense from looking at him that he had moved on and transcended. I was just getting the vibe that he was alright, but something weird happened. Next, all the “movements” of him were very slow if you even want to call them movements. Then he opened his mouth, and these filaments or some energy or both started slowly coming out of his mouth.
It all felt quite powerful on an emotional level and just kept getting the feeling he was alright, but I was also weirded out partially by what he appeared to be doing with all these color filaments and energy. Eventually, this went away, I don’t remember when exactly but I remember sometime after that I just “knew”….like I felt like I knew death wasn’t the end. At this point, I could feel the energy of what I believe to be the mushroom but the Tykes may have been there too. Tykes being the childish but highly intelligent and wise transdimensional beings that exist in the DMT and mushroom dimension somehow. I didn’t see them this particular time, but I felt their presence. They and I think even the mushroom themselves were laughing, they were in a good mood but laughing at human beings. They thought it was funny that human’s think death is the end, it’s like not only did they imply that death isn’t the end of consciousness and existing, but they made me look stupid and silly for even considering that. Why would it be the end? It’s just the beginning. And they kept saying this and though they weren’t chattering and jumping in and out of my body like they usually do they were certainly punning different intentionalities at me and cosmic lessons. It all felt very spiritual, and I have to say reenforced my beliefs in the supernatural dimension and the power and usefulness of the mushroom in general. I respect them a lot more since trips like these. This was my last BIG mushroom trip, and I could probably use another one to reinforce everything again, but I’m too scared lol.
Eventually, things begin to clear up even more, and the magic starts resonating, and the mindfulness is felt. It felt like at some point I think right after the catharsis and the snuff film that I started viewing or witnessing large and space like spiritual worlds and landscapes. Like landscapes in my mind but I could somehow be aware of them idk too hard to explain. Too alien, not Englishable. I also got some really profound introspection and started recovering forgotten childhood memories and started having extreme clarity over my whole mind and all of its memories. Also got lessons about things I need to change, the main one being diet and drug habits. I also remember at one point while watching television people’s nostril’s started looking huge and primitive, and my tripping friend noticed this too. My tripping friend even had delusions of sobriety at one point because he had forgotten what being sober was like, and since we were in a dark environment, he couldn’t “see” how different everything was. He didn’t go outside to piss either, so he totally missed out on that visual aspect.
At this point in the comedown it felt like I was aware of the rest of the planet and at certain points, during the experience, I felt somehow aware of people in that complex and almost like other people who were on mushrooms that night just in the world. It was a weekend night, so I’m sure there were plenty, but still, it was such a strange feeling. There was like a mainstream “life” feeling to it all. Just felt connected to so many people, after the trip was over it felt almost like I met the whole world. Really weird stuff.
Eventually at like 6 or 6:30 a.m. my tripping friend’s brother wakes up and laughs and says “were you guys up all night? Ha”. At this point me and my tripping friend go to smoke a blunt on his porch just as we’re both back on earth and feeling the effects of just traveling so deep and coming back. After we smoke the blunt and we part ways, and I eventually had up about a mile to my house. Something so weird about tripping balls all night in bizarre alien dimensions and then come back down to earth and watch as a whole community wakes up and get’s moving a long in a sort of gray morning. Seeing the productivity of life come alive when you’re on mushrooms is really incredible.
What happens next was one of the freakiest things to ever happen to me after' using mushrooms. Well….I eventually get to my house and since it’s the weekend and my parents might be home, and I smell like a blunt I want to avoid them and just get in my bed and sleep. So I do just that and as I’m in my bed (not even sure if my parents are home or not) I sooner or later start hearing snoring. So at this point I know one of my parents are home even though I thought they might not be because as I went to my room, I saw their room and the blinds were all open, and it didn’t look like anyone was in there, but I was too scared to look.
Well after hearing this snoring for a while I start to get up wondering why the snoring is so persistent and not sounding like my parents, so I go to their room slowly but see no one is there… At this point, I’m just like in wtf mode but I go back to my room and just lay back down, and there goes the snoring again. And the thing about is it’s not like I’m just hearing snoring inside my head, it’s not like an internal thing…I clearly could hear snoring OUTSIDE of myself. I was having real hallucinations and delusions of snoring. And me laying there in my bed hearing loud snoring outside of my body knowing no one was home except me who was awake scared me shitless. Eventually, I just fell asleep, and everything was normal after.
- Addiction suppression "Also got lessons about things I need to change, the main one being diet and drug habits."
- Analysis enhancement
- Auditory distortions When we were in the elementary school auditory information was extremely distorted and garbled and intermingling with different tones and frequencies in the most bizarre and cosmic ways.
- Auditory enhancements This was prominent during the peak and leading up to it, it caused the sounds (of cars especially) to sound very clear, crisp and mechanical. The sounds of the vehicles (cars, firetrucks and ambulances) all sounded almost intimidating they were so crisp.
- Auditory hallucination When in the elementary school the extreme distorting of auditory information allowed actual full auditory hallucinations to occur; things like cosmic and alien sounding beeps and buzzing. The laser sounds made by the cars as well. During the after effects I also experienced the auditory hallucination of hearing someone clearly outside of myself snoring very loudly even though there was nobody else home.
- Catharsis This was one of the more memorable effects experienced that night and is essentially what made this trip what it is. I did a fair amount of cognitive and emotional purging and had to relive watching a Ukrainian snuff film to which I was then unable afterwards to even recall it. It allowed me to view the film in its full glory and detail before it was able to dispel it from my mind. I also saw the image of my dead grandfather who had passed a few months beforehand, I was "told" or informed somehow that he was alright and had moved on or had transcended from his earthbound biological apparatus.
- Conceptual thinking This was quite noticeable during the peak as we were watching the planes fly over head. Wish I could explain the contents of it but it's honestly too convoluted and paradoxical/irrational to formally address.
- Confusion This happened during the peak as well but was more spread out over the first 2.5 to 3 hours of the trip. We kept saying how nothing was making sense and how the moon seemed to be changing both its position and coloring.
- Delusion Other than the delusions of sobriety experienced by my tripping friend I had the delusion that there was someone else sleeping in my house snoring loudly when it turned out no one was there. I couldn't shut off the delusion either even after I knew it was a hallucination. Same can be said about the pareidolia I saw as well but I don't count that as a delusion.
- Delusions of sobriety I didn't experience this but my friend did. He seemed to forget what being sober was even like so he didn't realize he was still "out there" while knee deep in this tryptamine world. It was the combination of being in a dark environment as well as being far past the peak. The peak was so convoluted, distorting and confusing that it could make almost any altered state of consciousness look as clean and cut as sobriety. At one point I believe I was starting to forget what "sober thinking" was like.
- Déjà vu After the peak (and maybe after the catharsis) while watching television everything began looking very vibrant and exfoliating and very reminiscent of hyperspace and nearly every time I enter into this "place" I get the feeling that I have been there before. This was like the coming home feeling but more mild than usual. Just the feeling I had been here before I was born or something and it's more fundamental to my "being" than anything going on in the material world or in this material temporary existence.
- Emotion enhancement This whole experience was filled with deep emotions and compassion and I could feel my emotions getting jacked up quite a bit as I became more sensitive to the sufferings and pains of humanity. This effect was prominent as I saw the image of my grandfather as well, almost like I had all useless emotion with nothing to do with it.
- Empathy, love and sociability enhancement When we went back to my friend's apartment I had this effect persist pretty much for the rest of the evening and was better able to connect to other human beings both on a emotional/spiritual level and a biological level. Like we were all on the same team and all part of the human race. The feeling of unity and interconnectedness crossed over with this effect quite a bit.
- Enhancement and suppression cycles We experienced the trip in waves for about the first 3 or 4 hours.
- Existential self-realization Came to the conclusion that death really is not the end and there's so much more out there, many things I can't explain but life seemed like one big machine or superstructure and I was like one small but necessary gear in this giant dreamy machine of life. The architectonics of the cosmos became that much more noticeable and astounding to me that it really shifted my already psychedelic views on reality and the world around me.
- Percieved exposure to inner mechanics of consciousness
- Perception of self-design Had this effect when the ambulances and firetrucks just happened to show up when we were tripping nuts in another realm of existence. Yea...gotta say I do feel partially responsible for that emergency situation. Seems almost too crazy to be a coincidence.
- Immersion enhancement Had this while watching television, was very VERY intrigued visually by the commercials and previews and how fast moving and colorful they were. was very engulfed by stimuli.
- Increased music appreciation The Beatles sounded great; Day in a Life to be exact.
- Increased libido During the déjà vu hyperspace bit I also felt a rise in sexual desires but in this very exotic, primal way but it also seemed spiritual and vibrant like the colors and the beautiful images of human women were inspiring these feelings in me. It seemed very natural and fundamental however this sexual desire, like a kind of ancillary animalistic horniness.
- Introspection Thought deeply about my life at certain points as well as my current state of mental health which was really interesting. Even thought about other human beings and my life, I even got the "answers" to some trivial personal life problems of mind earlier in the experience near the peak.
- Memory enhancement After this experience I noticed some subtle nootropic-like benefits with memory enhancement being the most prominent. During the secondary part of the journey I also had extreme clarity over my whole life almost as if I had access to all the old sealed away memories and was able to recover things that I had previously forgotten.
- Memory suppression (ego loss) Had a huge drop in ego and as a result got quite a few lessons about the importance of humility and compassion as well as of course connection to other earthbound beings especially human beings since we have the miracle of consensual language, moral frameworks and reasoning.
- Novelty enhancement Whenever I went outside to pee it just seemed like another world. Seemed like I was in this very alien but very South American jungle or environment of some sort. Everything just seemed very plant-like and exotic. I guess I could say it was comparable to what I've heard people describe with ayahuasca. The world really did seem much more clear and awe inspiring. This effect was most prominent during the second half of the experience.
- Personal bias suppression This effect was prominent during the second half of the experience as well and this allowed me to learn a lot because the side of me that doubts and puts myself before others was greatly diminished. This feeling would often crossover with the ego loss I was also getting.
- Spirituality enhancement In terms of spirituality any part of me that thought "hey maybe it's all bullshit and maybe it is all just meaningless and we're just little monkeys with nothing more than chemicals in our brains and life is all meaningless.." every part of me that doubted the spiritual nature of this existence was all decimated and pulverized by the mushroom. Of course I had already been spiritually converted by psychedelic tryptamines prior to this but still...the ego does always return and it will try to rationalize that which cannot be and it does this for survival. It made me look like a fool and almost even taunted me for thinking that I knew even just a smidgen of the "eternal truth". It reiterated that death was just the beginning of a new journey and they thought it was hilarious how some think that's just the end. I also didn't take these mushrooms with spiritual intentions I literally just took them that night to hallucinate and have fun with my friend but it instead turned into a very serious Gaian cathartic and emotional/spiritual journey into the ancient tryptamine realms which seem both structured, coherent and inhabited.
- Autonomous voice communication --Mutually generated responses / --A sensed presence of other
- Thought connectivity This was prolonged by cannabis.
- Thought organization After experiencing catharsis and all these other spiritual elements my thoughts began to organize and clear up, this happened almost simultaneously alongside memory enhancement as well. Up until then however the trip was largely comprised of just thought connectivity and was quite consistent throughout.
- Time distortion In certain ways it felt like this trip was almost like a separate life of it's own, like I went through the whole life and death process in 7 hours and "saw" what happened after I died as well as all the nobility and craziness of life itself. There was also this strange feeling of "time running out" but this sensation was vague and I'm not sure how it relates if it even does.
- Unity and interconnectedness Felt SO connected to humanity and planet earth, like I said it felt like I had just "met" the whole world that night like all of earth was in the apartment with us. I somehow just felt more cognitively and emotionally aware of the planet as well as its contents and just felt so connected to the whole species. This would eventually tie into the archetypes of planetary destiny being presented to me as well as the effect of empathy and sociability enhancement. I don't know if it was so much about "love" though as much as it was about just general moral compassion.
- Wakefulness Took them before the sun set and was awake until about 8 am the next morning. Up all night.
- Acuity enhancement Things became very hyperreal and detailed as they usually do. This bizarre HD effect somehow or other I believe relates to the biological archetypes of psilocybin.
- Colour enhancement
- Colour shifting Got this during the peak and was intensified by the dark environment as well as the many perpetual illusions experienced. The iridescent visual effect seemed to take hold.
- Colour tinting At one point near the peak I saw purple and blue tinting (which I have seen before on psilocybin) both overlay and border almost all things in the external environment. I also saw my friend have a blue aura coming off of his skin as he was looking up at the stars.
- Depth perception distortions Don't even get me started on this ha. Had this quite prominently whilst watching T.V. The images would look almost like they were popping out towards me, they didn't seem confined by the borders of the T.V. frame. Also we were laying below a telephone line and it appeared like just a giant black border or line splitting the whole sky.
- External hallucination This was mostly when watching television. These visuals were probably the hardest to explain and varied so much, everything from Ashton Kutcher's arm looking organic and reptilian to people's nostrils looking bigger and just the distorting, alien, exfoliating and biological nature of the visualizations.
- Geometry Strangely enough I saw geometry and imagery that seemed Celtic at one point and totally alien at another.
- Internal hallucination This was the most prominent visual effect of the whole experience and there's way too many things to name but a few would be; my dead grandfather, old memories, humanity and people in my life, the snuff film, the people who broke into my house, etc. Not to mention all the random colors and tryptaminesque closed eye visuals.
- Memory replays I didn't just have all these old memories but I could see them internally as well.
- Morphing People's faces on the television seemed more primitive (big nostrils and such) and later into the night they transitioned into something more beautiful and alien.
- Pattern recognition enhancement Had this during the first half of the trip, saw a skull because my brain was making patterns out of nothing a.k.a. pareidolia.
- Settings, scenerios and landscapes After the cathartic releasing around the time I was thinking about humanity and the architectonics of life and existence it felt like I was "looking" or I guess more appropriately like I was aware of these spiritual invisible landscapes. Not like seeing other dimensions necessarily but something like that..Like these dreamscapes or something. Probably one of the most difficult parts of the trip to articulate honestly. It's not really englishable.
- Synaesthesia Had this while listening to The Beatles, music seemed to have its own structure and seemed to have its own form.
- Changes in gravity When we were peaking while laying down this feeling came on and seemed to relate to the cosmic yet convoluted nature of the experience.
- Excessive yawning Had this even when I wasn't sedated. Felt like a very primal act when I did it too.
- Frequent urination Had to piss A LOT
- Sedation This presented itself whilst we were laying down looking at the sky.
- Spontaneous physical sensations
- Watery eyes