Experience:1000 Morning Glory seeds - Rediscovering the Self

   "I sit there and listen.
   Listen to the screams,
   listen to breaking seams.
   
   And all your worlds
   collide in dazzled grandeur.
   Thrashing under curls,
   of whipping, white tipped wonder."

Context:

Had been in Amsterdam for a few days and was planning on messing around with psychedelics, I had already had a 25g psilocybin truffle experience four days earlier, so I expected my serotonin receptors to be slightly tired after the intensity. Woke up early, drank some coffee but otherwise left my stomach empty, walked down to the smart shop, asked for the strongest LSA they had. The person sold me a packet of four tablets, said that they were strong and advised me to, at most, take two only. So of course I ingested all four.

Initial ingestion (8:00) - Second ingestion (11:40):

Started my day with two cups of black coffee, no milk or sugar, woke up at 7:00 and was ready for the day, well rested the night before, cleared out my bowels to ensure I was ingesting on an empty stomach. I walked down to the smart shop that was conveniently placed right in front of the hotel I was staying at. Bought one pack, containing 600~ seeds worth of Morning Glory extract inside of four capsules, distributed (assumingly) equally among each capsule. I walked to Barney’s Lounge, an out of sight, as non-touristy as possible, coffee shop along a canal, bought 3g of G13 haze, and a mango smoothie. I sat down, rolled three 1g joints (tried to distribute the ground up weed as evenly as possible between each joint, but I was eyeballing it so I can’t be 100% certain). I swallowed two of the capsules at exactly 8:00, set my timer on my phone so that I could check on when the onset was done and could then set my clock to check when come-up was done and I was peaking. I didn’t start peaking until I got back to my hotel room and smoked the second joint, though.

After ingestion I drank the smoothie and waited, smoking one of my joints and enjoying the environment. I noted that the onset of the bodyload showed its face rather quickly, I began to experience the heaviness and pressure in my limbs after nearly 45 minutes preceding ingestion, and it was much heavier than LSD or any previous experience with psychedelics. The bodyload had set in after about an hour later, it was very intense and I was very aware of my body, but I didn’t experience any pain or nausea at this point. I finished my joint and realised that I should probably start heading back to the hotel. I remember looking for emerging visuals in the doorway, I had what seemed like mild scenery slicing where I watched a tree grow larger and larger in my vision while the rest of the environment, while still clear and crisp, faded in and out and looked choppy. I was starting to feel less talkative, I was avoiding the eyes of other people walking around outside, and when I was prompted by one of the staff members at the lounge I reacted almost defensively, once they were gone I decided I would need to go home and take the other two, since it wasn’t strong enough yet.

What I wanted was more visual intensity, since I hadn’t done a great deal of research on the effects of LSA other than acknowledging the potency of the poison, the vasoconstriction, and the heavy bodyload. I figured I could handle it, though, so I started off back to the hotel. It was noticeably different walking around, my feet were heavier and I was more aware of the air on my arms and the sun on my face, the world gradually got more and more saturated as I made my way back, and I ingested the second two capsules as soon as I got back home and had situated myself.

Second ingestion (11:50) - Peak (part one - 15:30):

Upon ingesting the second two capsules I kind of started to lose track of time, the bodyload was very intense at this point, filling my limbs with a pressure and mild pain. I started getting physically uncomfortable, so at around 12:45 I decided I smoke my second joint. I didn’t have many intense visuals at this point, but I was hyper aware of how saturated the city looked. I was losing motor function, but I was able to stand upright and lean myself against the railing, sticking my head out the window. At this point all my movements felt very dreamlike and slow motion, the headspace felt similar to the peak of LSD. All highlights and whites (sky, sun, any bright lights or hues) appeared very bloomy, permeating their whiteness onto the rest of the textures beneath or surrounding them. The world was ultra saturated at this point, textures were popping out in front of me, my walls were drifting and flowing, but I experienced no static transformations. I watched the people walking in the cobblestone street, they all looked serene and perfect, their skin and faces shining in the sun, every step, every sound seemed so fantastical and sculpted, as if they were not even human, but part of a program that had been neatly and attentively written out.

I continued smoking, but it was having less and less of an affect on my physical state, which was the only purpose I had (I assumed) for smoking while tripping. Smoking was very surreal, I didn’t really notice the smoke entering my lungs, but I had to exert great effort to continue taking satisfactory drags off of the joint. I would let a hit out and cough, but I didn’t feel the cough either, just the physical act of coughing, like my body was reacting but my mind was completely unaware of the reaction. I finished the j, flicked the filter out the window, and turned around to face my kitchen.

Instantly everything was completely different, the room swayed and bulged around me, I felt as though it was spherical and not rectangular, I experienced a fish eye effect that made the walls in my peripheral vision bend as though I were standing on a tiny planet, or had increased field of view. At this point, with the visuals setting in powerfully and solidifying around me, I was losing motor control entirely. I didn’t want to lay down on the couch, it was too small, and the floor was too flat and harsh, so I decided to walk into the bedroom. The hallway in front of me extended miles and miles, I thought I would never reach my goddamn bedroom door as I teetered and tottered down this infinitely stretching passage of grey plaster and birch wood. I kept thinking “This is like being drunk,” and I was panting heavily (something that persisted through the entire peak), my body felt very uncomfortable, like all of my cells were writhing around, similar to the undulating and prickly effects that psilocybin enacts in me, but more controlled and all-encompassing. I made it to the bedroom and laid down on the bed. My temperature regulation had been completely destroyed. It wasn’t extremely hot outside, only 23C, but it was humid and the room didn’t have any air-con, so I flopped over and pulled open the windows, stripped down to my underwear, and fell back onto the bed sheets.

I was immensely uncomfortable, I couldn’t sit still, the ceiling above me was writhing and swirling like a vortex into space, with pops and dots of reds and yellows appearing in random, alternating patterns on the shifting texture. The ceiling fan started spinning incredibly fast, but if I focused enough I could trace each individual fan tooth and watch it swing around wildly. Doing that made me feel nauseas and uncomfortable, so I looked away. I was moving the entire time, I never stopped moving around in discomfort on the bed. People were messaging me on Facebook so I got my phone out and tried to respond, but typing was very difficult. The screen looked normal, I kept making spelling mistakes and my words were completely incoherent. I basically just said “omg this is crazy” over and over again in different variations. I put my phone down because it was too much visual stimulation, the glow and bloom of the bright LEDs were heavy on my eyes and made me want to throw my phone at the wall.

Noticing that I was in emotional distress, I decided I would play some music to calm my nerves. I tried numerous bands, Alt-J, Tycho, Postal Service, Solar Fields, Slow Magic, but none of them were soft enough for me. As soon as there were more than four sets of sound patterns I became auditorily overwhelmed and had to turn it down in volume or off completely. After much effort with no success I turned it off and listened to the quiet, muffled, airy laughter/incoherent speech of the people in the street beneath me. The light wind and muffled voices were relaxing, it helped me remember that there was indeed a world out there. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself, I knew that I wanted to do something with this crazy experience but I couldn’t figure out what, so I started looking for safe places in my head to take myself, in order to alleviate the distress. I racked my brains for safe memories and people, and some friends appeared, lazy afternoons dabbing in my apartment and falling asleep, running around the park, driving with other friends, it was made very very clear to me who was important to me in my life and who I needed to keep close. I had recently had a bad experience with a girl, who we will call Marie, and I tried to think of her but all I got was blackness, fire, and feelings of anger or disgust, so I decided that she wasn’t important in my life anymore. I now knew who my friends were, it was such a wonderful moment, I realised that all of these people loved me and I loved them, that we were bonded with more than blood or connection, that they were my confidants, and that I missed them greatly.

I dove deeper into introspection, wondering about how I was in reciprocation to them, how they viewed me. I lifted my head and stared at my body, writhing about on the now completely messy bedsheets, and suddenly I was experiencing two visual realities at once. I started walking through memories of my childhood, back from when I was, at the youngest, four years old, sitting and watching my grandfather die in the hospital, how golden orbs floated out of his throat and turned to face me before circling around the room and flying up out of the ceiling. I remembered kindergarten, being the only boy at [Antonia]’s birthday party, falling off a trampoline, eating kitty crunchies before walking to school even though my parents told me not to go alone (and not to eat cat food), I remembered entire months of my recent life that had been a blur thanks to depression and the rush of university, my fog was slowly clearing, I was walking through entire dimensions and lifetimes that I had since forgotten about. I completely remembered the month of November, asking out [Elizabeth] from class, seeing her wringing her hands outside the cafe in the cold, sitting in Coffee House Five writing final essays and studying for exams, sitting in my apartment and binge watching Scrubs, going camping, talking to [Janet] all night and all day, trying to kill myself, waking up from the attempted suicide and laughing my ass off, covered in vomit, hundreds and hundreds of memories I had suppressed for years, now all at my fingertips. Then came even stranger hallucinations, at this point I open my eyes and was surprised that I could see both the repeat of dimensions previously experienced and the waving, changing, white/grey plastered room swirling around me.

Peak (part two - 16:00) - Offset (22:00):

At this point my body was becoming more comfortable, but for some reason I couldn’t really control most of my limbs. My legs kept moving around and I was breathing very very heavily. Before I started to have double vision and parallel thought processes, I started to feel very connected with the world, now that I knew who I was and what I had been and who my friends were, I felt at peace with my life and a strong bond with the synthetic and organic civilisations surrounding me on the Earth. I experienced intense sexual arousal, and had primal sexual thoughts like wanting to impregnate a female with my seed and have an offspring, the sudden bout of intense passion led me to involuntary grunt and thrust and then realised what I was doing and stopped, incredibly embarrassed and confused. I closed my eyes, sighed, and opened them again, looked around the room, and the more CEVs started.

Not much geometry, although there was a lot of flashing and pulsing patterns on the ceiling and walls around me, but when I started seeing two dimensions at once again it wasn’t memories, but dreams. I usually have pretty vivid and intense dreams, but I’ve never had a lucid dream before. I’ve remembered a couple dreams in bits and pieces from my past, big ones that have shocked me by the visions they’ve contained or the emotional impact they have had on me. During the second part of the peak, when the vasoconstriction was letting up, I started hallucinating several hundred dream memories in full and complete detail, hours and hours of dream worlds walked through in mere minutes. A hive of swarming locusts spiraling into a deep ravine as the wind rushed through my hair, rainbow rock canyons and ever expanding oceans of reflective water, playing hide and seek in a broken down castle on a rock in the middle of a seemingly endless sea. I remember seeing myself reacting to these dreams in the third person, but I was my own self walking through these memories of imagined worlds. The amount of information suddenly flooding my brain was almost painful, the weight of all the images and emotions that I had to experience all at once made me feel as though my mind were breaking under the weight of the hallucinations. I thought I was going to go insane, or that I was going insane. My friend messaged me on Facebook and I tried to pull out of my trance but when I turned over I was only sent deeper into the hallucinations.

This time they weren’t dreams, but worlds I have come up with while reading novels as a child, entire galaxies from Brave New World, Breakfast of Champions, Great Expectations, Robinson Crusoe, Foundation, Ender’s Game, tons of them, too many to count. This made me realise that I really am into books and imaginative, these worlds I was walking through were incredibly detailed, I was watching lives shift and dance in front of me, sweeping through hundreds of dimensions that I had never even been a part of. At this point I couldn’t tell if these memories were my own or someone else’s, I couldn’t distinguish between the real world and the imaginary world, they meshed and my world came crumbling down around me.

My walls around me melted, nearly disintegrated, I closed my eyes and watched the world dematerialise into multi-colored spheres and cubes, which folded out into flat shapes, and then into lines. Everything went white and black, shadows emanated from behind indistinguishable corners of my vision, of this new, white world, where I could see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing, where I was nothing. My body gone, my thoughts empty I simply hung there in this white space for hours, weeks, years, it felt like an eternity that I sat there spinning around in a white opacity that I could not escape.

Then my door opened, it was my brother. The sound of the door swinging open and his voice calling my name broke me out of my white-land trance, the walls re-materialised and feeling returned to my body, I was me again, but something was different. I was different, the world was different, things seemed brighter and now I was getting very strong morphing visuals on all surfaces. When he walked into the room and saw me lying on my back, practically naked, he looked at me puzzled and asked what I was doing. I tried to get out a word, but nothing came out. I rolled over and out of bed, put on my shorts and my shirt, stood up, wobbling and almost falling over. He still looked perplexed. His eyes were pits of oceans and his body rose and fell, the world curved around him as I stared down at his head, everything started melting away and before I knew it his torso was turning into kaleidoscope textures.

The only word I got out to him was “I’m tripping balls right now.” After that I tried to make it to the bathroom to pee, but when I got there I wasn’t able to do it, so I just left and went into the living room and laid down on the couch. The visuals were really intense now, lots of texture flowing and color shifts, the walls looked purple now and all the whites had been replaced with green. I tried to listen to music, nothing, couldn’t do it, still overwhelming. I laid back and watched the window, trying to make myself physically comfortable but failing miserably to do so. My legs still ached and when I stood up I didn’t feel as though I was really in the normal world. I knew that my feet were touching the ground and that I was in the room, but my head felt like it was miles above my body, the room seemed much much larger than I remembered it. My brother came in and sat down on a chair, when I looked at him I remarked that he looked like a halibut. He was very confused by this statement and laughed, which was upsetting, the noise that he produced sounded devilish and inhuman. I asked him, with shaking words, not to say anything else to me, and he recited some Lewis Carroll quote that was equally upsetting and I told him just to shut up and he did.

I went to the fridge and got out the bread and put it in the toaster, I looked at the butter but it appeared to me to be whale blubber of some sort, which looked disgusting, so I just ate a plain piece of toast. Eating it was very difficult, I didn’t enjoy it, but my body felt slightly less terrible after consumption. I laid back down on the couch and closed my eyes, I enjoyed some geometric CEVs that weren’t too intense, it was like moving slowly down a river of flowing patterns and changing particles, they were pleasant and allowed me to calm my nerves. My massive intellectual breakthrough was still weighing heavily on my head, I wasn’t sure exactly what to make of everything that I had seen and gone through, all the worlds I had visited, all the moments in time I had relived. When I finally started to come down more, at around 21:30, I felt as though I knew myself better than anyone else ever could, I decided that I never wanted to speak to another human again, that I would, from then on, live my life in solitude and silence. Of course I could never meet anyone who could ever know me better, so what was the point? I felt no obligation to ever exchange ideas with anyone, I felt comfortable knowing that I knew myself, I felt comfortable with the idea that I would, from then on, be mute, I kind of wanted to kill myself, if I’m being honest. It was disturbing the next morning, because I was really comfortable with both of these concepts.

After effects (22:30) - Following day (00:45):

I rolled around on the couch for a few hours before getting up and reaching into the fridge for a twix ice cream bar. I felt completely disconnected from the world around me, I didn’t like or dislike it, I was just confused and the bubble of air around me left me feeling kind of empty. As soon as I had finished the cold, sweet, wet ice cream bar I felt so much better, like the world existed again. My feet felt as though they really touched the ground again, my headspace started to drift off, but the visuals stayed. The slow popping of colors and flowing of textures along the walls, the way the houses across from me looked like smirking faces with wide open eyes. People looked frightening, like they were another creature, biologically different from myself.

At this point it was nearing 1:00, I was so very tired, but I hadn’t tried to sleep up until this point. My brother was asleep in the bedroom and I sure as hell was not going to go in there. I smoked my last joint, which helped a great deal with my anxiety. I went into the shower and tried to masturbate, but my dick looked like it was a dragon and everything was way out of proportion so I got upset and decided I couldn’t do it. I showered and the water felt really nice on my body, not really re-invigorating though, I still felt disconnected a little bit. I walked out of the shower and laid down on the couch. By around 1:00 most effects had completely disappeared, except the slight visuals, so I closed my eyes and waited to fall asleep.

Submitted by - Phantasmagoria

Visual effects

Enhancements

• Colour enhancement - Strong changes in saturation and detail of color in the environment, most shades were incredibly brighter and deeper, while some even changed color altogether.
• Pattern recognition enhancement - While coming down buildings started looking alive, like they had faces, very similar to the recognition of faces in trees while tripping on Psilocin.
• Magnification - The zooming in of the tree branch I was looking at during the come up and the intense focus on certain objects that were far away.

Distortions

• Colour shifting - Drastic changes in colors in the second half of the peak, entirely different colors taking their places over textures or surfaces that were lighter or or more subdued hues.
• Morphing - My brother's body bulging and changing while I looked at him, the walls seeping and shifting, and the random changes in my penis when I was trying to fap at the end of the peak.
• Flowing - Textures floating like a river down their surfaces during the peak.
• Depth perception distortions - The way the room seemed to change shape around my field of view, turning into a sphere or an oval instead of a rectangle.
• Recursion' - When I walked down the hallway it went forever, I don't think it was a fractal because it went forward with the direction of the hallway, instead of off in every direction.
• Perspective distortions - Fish eye lens effect when staring at my brother, or while being in my dreams being able to see myself from the third person while also being in my own head. That was fuckin' weird.

Hallucinatory states

• Internal hallucinations - Full and completely detailed hallucinations of dreams, memories, and imagined landscapes.
• Settings, sceneries, and landscapes

Cognitive effects

Novel states of mind

• Time distortion - The day felt like a minute, very strange.
• Introspection - See above.
• Outrospection - Great sense of unity with my friends, even though they were across the world from me, that moment was mind blowingly beautiful.
• Unity and interconnectedness - See above.
• Simultaneous emotions - As I was walking through my dreams and memories I was reacting in real time to all of them but they were happening so fast that most of the emotions stayed and simply piled up onto one another.

Enhancements

• Thought acceleration
• Thought connectivity
• Empathy, love, and sociability enhancement
• Multiple thought streams - Seeing the external world and internal world at the same time was very strange and gave me multiple sets of thought processes and ideas to juggle around with, I was definitely thinking in parallel and not in serial.
• Increased libido - The ten seconds of wanting to have a child???
• Memory enhancement - Even after the trip, even now that it's been about a month, I can still vividly recall all of the memories I retrieved during the trip.

Suppressions

• Thought disorganization - When my brother came in and I was trying to explain what was happening it was nearly impossible to form my thoughts into linguistic structures.
• Language suppression - The physical act of speech was very difficult, as difficult as forming thoughts into words.

Physical effects

Enhancements

• Perception of bodily heaviness
• Wakefulness - Great difficulty sleeping, all night I tossed and turned and kept waking up from dreamless bouts of blackness.

Suppressions

• Appetite suppression
• Nausea suppression
• Motor control loss
• Temperature regulation suppression

Uncomfortable side effects

• Difficulty urinating
• Restless leg syndrome
• Vasoconstriction
• Muscle cramps

Auditory effects

• Auditory enhancement
• Auditory distortion